Om Shanti Om

So how does it feel like to see a movie with 31 stars? In as many seconds may I add. The theatre was all excited to see their hard earned money generate interest like never before. They paid $10 to see the great Khan and they "saw" him alright. They also got to see a host of other stars, if they didn’t wink during that flashy song sequence that is. So adding another $2 for each star and a few cents for Rekha, Jitu Ji and Dharam Paji (that’s the ticket price they are comfortable with), the audience actually made money by watching this movie. I wonder, if following the roaring success of OSO we will get to see a host of other movies made around old concepts with no effort put in to make them better or even somewhat structured. We know what happens to such "serious" efforts (Don, Sholay, Umrao Jaan come to mind). So I guess the winning formula is to get a s*$t load of *stars* and make them sit together to watch an old blockbuster and after a couple of drinks let the cameras roll. If a star takes off his clothes in the process, you got a hit and if it’s a female star, well you could try all over again. People have all ready seen that "story" in numerous Miss XYZ campaigns.

But the best part of the movie is the storyline. How numerous seemingly random acts of directorial genius come together to form an equally seemingly random story line is beyond the realms of understanding of the mortal audience. They see their beloved hero getting thrown out of a burning building right onto a road where an established movie personality happens to drive his wife for a last look at the movie city before she succumbed to the labor pains and kicked his ass for not driving to the hospital. There is the hero's mom who after about 90 years of age (she was 60 when her son decides that the best way to get to his dreams of starhood is to die and find a new mother) over-acts with same youthfulness as her son has been doing for all the movies he ever made. Then there is the beautiful but dumb actress who doesn’t know that she looks like a superstar of yester-years. Wonder if it was her studious and seedha-saadha nature that kept her away from movies. When she finally realized that all her classmates were busy making the chart popping item numbers she decided to give acting a try. The seventies song sequences did bring laughs in the hall. If this trend continues, a few decades down the line films will make pun of the movies in our generation by just parading the characters in skimpiest of wardrobes jumping around making monkey noises. Coming back to that song with 31 stars, the promotion photo of which shows SRK on a podium with Salman, Govinda and Sanjay Dutt. Now, call me paranoid but the future doesn’t look great to me when star of the day decides to advertise himself with a person known for his aversion to both animal and human life, a person convicted of arms hoarding and a failed politician. That photo must be framed and mom's someday can use that to make a point about bad company and future prospects to their kids.

Hats off to Farah Khan for pulling this one off. A great director know when he/she needs all the help the industry can provide to push a movie across the profit zone and boy, does she get all the help!! It felt like she had to throw a fancy dress party and film the stars as they arrived to greet her. And I have to confess that I didn’t know that Karan Johar was into costume design. But given the complexity of dress design for OSO I'm sure he (or she, depending on how intimately you know him... or her) didn’t have much of a task on his hands. With our heroes following the lead from our ladies, there isn't much fabric requirement in our movies these days. Considering the amount of "hari patti" that goes into the movie business these days, I'm sure the costume designers will take the cue soon and we will see some "hara patta" being used to cover the strategically important anatomical areas. The include the forehead and the thin area around the waist above navel. For heroes, the waist clothing is waste clothing.

While first half had its funny moments, the second half seems to be a bit drag. One of the reasons is that SRK actually acts like himself in this part of the movie. You feel like getting up and leaving the hall but there is a glimmer of hope that since the hero exposes quite a bit in this half maybe it’s the heroin turn next. And, to make the things worse, the hero does not die in the end of this movie so we might have to suffer more in OSO-2. Come to think of it, who am I kidding? Even if he died he'd be born again and will come back to haunt us in flesh. And don’t forget, he will get his 200 year old mom with him.